My Dearest, Jackie
by unapologeticmango
Summary: Set in the modern day • Alex is planning to leave America, but not after giving John one final letter. But when the letter is discovered and promises are broken, will Alex run out of time? • Rated T because of cursing and I'm paranoid • Lams, Mullette, Jeffmads and Marliza
1. Letters

_Authors Note - Heyo there kiddos welcome to a Lams fanfic! I know there is an abundance of those here but I love the ship so I could not resist. Updates on the story could be weekly or fortnightly I have not decided. I will update a chapter at a time. Please enjoy!_

 _Characters and themes in this fic belong to Lin Miranda the cinnamon roll._

 _Warnings - Slash, strong language, adult themes (no smut)_

 _Disclaimer - Yes, John is older than Alex, look it up, (Hamilton was wearing- ok I'm sorry) he is three years older._

 _In case this wasn't obvious this is set in the modern day_

 _Yes, I am using the Anthony Ramos version of John Laurens in terms of looks_

 _And yes, Kingsborough University is made up_

 _John_

"I hate him!"

"Was it Jefferson or Aaron this time?"

"Yes,"

"Oh my God,"

John looked over at Alex with pity, and noted the dark circles under his eyes. So he had been working last night, despite him denying it. He picked up a book and examined it before nestling in between two others on the shelf.

"You have to _try_ and not let them get to you, Lex," he replied.

"No use," muttered the other man, "Jefferson thinks it's his sole purpose in life to ruin mine,"

"That's because Jefferson is an asshole," continued John, "If you ignore him he'll get bored,"

Alex pulled a hairband from his pocket and started fiddling with it absent mindedly.

"But he's always right theeere," he moaned like a whining child, "I sit there night and day like a good secretary, get my work done, don't start fights and what does Mr Washington do? Give that Jefferson bastard a promotion! A fucking promotion Jackie! Honestly if this is what I get for trying I don't think-"

John grimaced as a woman passing by dumped several more books on the already mountainous pile. Alex stopped his tangent to stare at her.

"Hey! _Hey!_ My friend here has enough problems without you coming along and-"

" _Alex_! I'm so sorry Miss..."

The woman sniffed at Alex and haughtily stalked off.

"Well she looked like a ray of sunshine," he muttered, finally using the band to tie his hair back into a low pony tail.

 _"Alex!"_ hissed the freckled man, "We talked about this! You're right, I do have enough problems with this job without you attacking every obnoxious customer!"

"Speaking of which," began Alex, "How _is_ your new job?"

John paused for thought as he picked up another book.

"You know, it's good. Great. The library's fine, I get paid alright I just, well, yeah,"

Alex studied his companion's face.

"You hate it,"

"I don't hate it, Lex! I just..."

He sighed and put down the book, turning to look at Alex.

"I feel like we could be doing so much more than this Lexie! I mean, look at you, you're twenty one working as a secretary, which isn't too bad, but with your brain you could be doing so much better!" he exclaimed, shaking his head, "And where am I? Twenty four and not knowing what the hell I'm doing with my life!"

"Relax," soothed Alex, "Let's go get a drink, pick up some girls and forget about any deadlines, hmm?" John bit his lip and looked around the library, then reluctantly went back to sorting the books.

"I...I don't know Alex...I have a lot of work and so do you..."

"Come on, live a little! I'll invite Laf and Herc to come along too. It's Friday, let's get out of here,"

John turned to look at Alex, who was grinning, eyebrows raised. He had looked at his friend's face hundreds of times before, enough to see the steely determination in his eyes, and the wonder and curiosity that came with it. John was used to seeing that mischevious smile play out on his lips, and five minutes later he'd been talked into doing something he would never do alone. Not without Alex.

He considered, then shook his head slowly.

"Jackie," pleaded Alex, "Please?"

John swallowed. He never let anyone call him Jack or Jackie except family, but two years ago he'd met Alex.

He was chatting to Lafayette and Hercules behind a bar, cleaning a glass. Working as a bartender was never his forte but it payed well, especially for a naive university graduate. He had recently finished school and he had no idea what he wanted to do, let alone what he was going to do to earn money. Herc leaned over and pointed across to the other side of the room.

"Well look who it is," he chuckled, "Aaron Burr. Who's that guy he's with? You might have a shot with him,"

John followed his gaze to see that Aaron was indeed sitting down a few tables away with an attractive young man. The man appeared to be deep in a conversation while Aaron listened, amused. Before John could reply Laf was already striding towards them.

Hercules immediately followed the French man and John silently trailed behind them. Everybody was talking to one another, and it seemed that Laf was trying his hardest to get on Aaron's nerves. It was working. John smiled at his friend's antics and turned to leave when he felt a light tap on the shoulder, and turned around. It was the young man.

He smiled "Hey there. I'm Alex,"

John's spine tingled, but it was a pleasant feeling. Like eating pop rocks as a kid.

"I'm...I'm John,"

"Hi John...hmm, John. Do they call you Jackie? I like the sound of that, could I call you Jackie?"

"S-sure,"

"Please?"

John's mind was thrown back to the present. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"If it will make you happy, fine,"

"Yess! I'll see you tonight,"

"You can convince me to do anything. I'm surprised you haven't used that against me yet. Or maybe I shouldn't give you any ideas,"

"Ha, everything? I wish, Jackie, I wish,"

 _Alex_

Alex grabbed his bag and walked out of the library. As soon as he was out of the door the smile slid off of his face. Leaning against the wall, he exhaled and pulled a letter out of his bag.

 _Dear Mr Hamilton_

 _Your resume has impressed us thoroughly. It is clear that although you lack experience, you are no stranger to writing. We would be happy to pay for your travel expenses for you to come to England and take a course here at Kingsborough University. Please reply in a maximum of two weeks time so that we can calculate the costs._

 _Kingsborough University_

Alex's stomach tightened as he reread the letter for the one thousandth time. It was a one in a lifetime opportunity, and when he first received the letter his mind was set in going. And then he remembered John.

He saw in his mind John's smiling face, he would be happy for him, but he would miss him.

And Alex would miss him too.

It was in that moment, standing outside the library on a freezing November morning that Alex decided to write a letter.

He sat on the bench and pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write.

 _My dearest, Jackie_


	2. Eliza's Discovery

_Alex_

 _My Dearest, Jackie_

 _I hope that you are well. You may be wondering why I've sent you a letter, it is because it seems to be the only thing I'm good at writing._

"Liar," snorted Lafayette.

 _I have some news, it is good news but you may consider it bad news for both of us. A month or so ago I wrote to Kingsborough University, a university that receives outstanding reviews, to see if I could take a course there. They replied saying they would love to have me there._

"That makes one of us,"

"Oh shut up, you're supposed to be helping me Laf,"

" _Love_ to have you there?"

"Ugh, fine"

 _They replied saying they would like me to take a course there. However, the university is in England._

"That's putting it reaaal lightly, mon ami,"

"Can you please let me write?"

 _It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jackie, but I'll miss you. More than you than you think. Because I-_

"Can I do this bit?!"

"What?"

"I'm French, we're great at romance!"

"I don't trust you..."

"Come on,"

 _Because I love you, Jackie. You have no idea how much I love you, how much I want to pin you up against a wall and fuck you until-_

 _"JESUS LAF NO!"_

"What? It's true, isn't it?"

"You can't just...oh my God! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you,"

"Spoilsport,"

 _Because I...I have feelings for you Jackie. And I don't know if these feelings are returned. But at least, before I leave, you'll know that I love you._

 _A.Ham_

"A.Ham? This is a love letter, that's a little formal don't you think?"

"It's not a love letter!"

"Mhmm. Just let me change it, tu cuillère,"

 _But at least, before I leave, you'll know that I love you._

 _Alexander_

Alex sighed and lifted it up. After drafting a letter outside the library, he had gone to Laf for help, because he didn't know how he was going to confess his feelings. However, all he had been so far was a pain in the ass.

"I think I might redo this bit," he said thoughtfully, "And make this part longer,"

"Uhuh," murmured Laf, unwrapping a Twix and attacking it. He yawned. "Well I'm going to bed. Night, mon ami. And bonne chance,"

Alex nodded and turned towards the door. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep that night, so where was the harm in going over the letter again?

When he got home, he practically fell into his chair next to his desk. Alex looked over the letter. _You'll know that I love you._ It was cute, sure, but not good enough. Stretching out his arms, he began to write. He poured all of his sadness, passion and love into the paragraph. Sure, it rambled at times, but it was good enough for him.

Exhausted, Alex put down his pen and read what he had written.

 _I miss you everyday Jackie. Every second I'm not with you there's a hole in my heart that can't be filled. But when you are there, when you are by my side, my world is filled with colour. You are my light in the dark, my guidance. But there is also great sadness, for I cannot tell you how I feel. I cannot tell you how, when I see you, my heart begins to beat rapidly and my face turns pink (or so I'm told). And how I have tell myself off every time I think of you, and what I want to do with you. Because it's not exactly PG. I cannot express in only words how much I love you, but at least I can see your face one last time before I leave. I love you, my dearest, Jackie._

 _Your Alexander_

By the time he had finished, Alex was already asleep.

 _Eliza_

Eliza was panicking. She needed some notes she had written on paper, papers that she had lent to Alex. Papers that Alex had promised to give back to her. So here she was, knocking frantically on his door at 10 o'clock in the evening.

"Alex! _Alex!"_ she called desperately. In frustration, she kicked the door. It opened slowly.

 _Alex left his door open?_ she thought in surprise. Eliza stood there, torn. The hard worker that she was, she got high grades and needed those papers for Monday. On the other hand, she hated invading people's property.

 _Screw this_ she thought firmly, and ventured inside.

Five minutes later, she was standing staring at the brunette, who had passed out on the chair. His head was tilted backwards and his mouth was slightly open. Eliza felt a pang in her gut, and she stepped back, feeling guilty.

Three months ago they had broken up, but she still had to resist the urge to kiss him every time she saw him. It had left Eliza with a hole in her chest, like a part of her life wasn't complete. She needed someone to fill that hole.

She took a deep breath, and stepped back forward. _Get the papers and get out Eliza. This isn't you at all._

Silently, she sneaked round to the side of the desk to see if she could find them. Eventually, she discovered the papers underneath a pile of other notes. As she turned to leave, she noticed Alex had been of writing something. A letter.

 _A letter?_ Thought Eliza, _This is the 21st century Alex..._

Carefully, in an attempt not to wake him, she reached for the letter and began to read. It was addressed to John.

 _My dearest, Jackie..._

 _A month or so ago I wrote to Kingsborough University..._

 _...they would like me to take a course there..._

 _...once in a lifetime opportunity..._

She recoiled in horror. _Alex was planning to leave America?!_ She stared at the sleeping figure with a mixture of confusion and distress. Eliza looked down at the letter again.

 _I miss you everyday Jackie_

 _There's a hole in my heart..._

 _You are the light to my dark..._

 _...I cannot tell you how I feel..._

 _...I think of you, and what I want to do with you..._

 _I love you, my dearest, Jackie_

 _Your Alexander_

The last words hit Eliza like she had been shot. She stumbled backwards and almost hit the bed. Eliza was so confused, she had so many unanswered questions. Why did this happen? How did this happen? When did this happen?

She was happy for Alex, but to imagine the pain she would have to endure as she stood to side and let them be, to imagine John's pain when he found out that-

John.

Poor John. To learn that someone loved you, and then to have them immediately pulled from your grasp, to want to hug them tightly even if they were thousands of miles away.

She stood there, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks and onto the floor. Her vision was blurry, and her emotions were a mess.

Suddenly, Alex made a noise, and rolled over in the chair. In a fleeting second of panic, Eliza whipped out her phone and took a picture of the letter. She then grabbed the papers and left hurriedly.

 _If this is the karma I get for entering somebody's house, I deserve it,_ was Eliza last thought as she slammed the door shut.

 _Alex_

Alex wearily sat up in his chair and looked around. _What time is it?_ He wondered. Glancing at the clock, he realised that he was lucky it was Saturday. It was 8:43 in the morning. In a sudden second of panic, he spun around. The letter was still there. As he breathed a sigh of relief, he wondered how he was going to give it to John.

John.

 _John._

 _He was supposed to meet John last night._ Why didn't Laf remind him?! Or did they both forget? He stood up instantly and grabbed his phone. John's shift in the library would start at nine; that gave him about fifteen minutes.

He pulled on his coat and rushed out of the door.

 _John_

Meanwhile, John was sitting with a Starbucks cup at the back of the library, trying his hardest not to have a mental breakdown.

He had waited outside the bar for Alex for an hour last night. He had called him twice, but he didn't pick up. In the end, he walked home in defeat, shivering. He wasn't mad, he was just upset and confused.

So when Alex burst through the door and nearly made John choke on his coffee, he was mostly relieved that he wasn't dead.

"Alex-" he started, and was cut off.

"I'm so sorry John!" Alex apologised, fumbling over his words, "I-I lost track of time! I was with Laf and we...we forgot that-"

"So you did go to the bar...without me?"

"No, no I was round Laf's house you see, and we were...talking...and I have something for you," he said, reaching in his pocket, "Don't open it yet, open it when...shit!"

The incident last night forgotten, John was curious as to what Alex had got him.

"What's...what's wrong?"

"I left it at home...Jackie, I swear I-"

"It's fine Alex. You look like you need rest. Go home and go to bed,"

"Jack, I-"

"I believe you. Go home,"

Alex opened his mouth and shut it again. He stood there awkwardly as if he was going to say something, then turned around and walked out of the library. John sighed and sat back down. _What on Earth did Alex want to give me?_ He wondered.

 _Mon ami - my friend_

 _Tu cuillère - you spoon_

 _Bonne chance - good luck_

 _A/N - The part with Laf and Alex reminded me of Sincerely Me. Anyone else? No? Also, Laf calling Alex a spoon is my new favourite thing. This one is longer than the last I think, but they will get gradually longer anyways._


End file.
